Take me home to early evenings and suburban parties. Take me home to the bands I used to enjoy at my favourite bar when I was 21. Take me home to a place where my dog can roam free with no leash. This beer is fire brewed like the campfires we used to sit around and sing to the sweet song of a 17 year old acoustic guitar. But it doesn’t actually taste good. You buy it when you want to impress your friends but you don’t actually like it. This beer does taste incredibly similar to orange rinds. This beer is for men that like to drink Canadian but want to mix it up sometimes.

4 out of 5 dads (who are lying to you)

It’s for if you really like beer but also want to get blackout drunk. Let’s be honest, you don’t care what it tastes like. It tastes like you’re 25, living in a college residence trying to get with 18 year old girls. They sell it at your favourite shitty bar. You don’t want to drink it, but it’s the cheapest drunk you can buy. It’s like normal Pabst but less watery. I kind of like it. If you are a skateboarder and a painter for a living then you drink this beer every day. If you backpack around the country playing mandolin then you love this beer. You also probably drink this beer if you have bad credit.

5.9 dads out of 5

This beer is for real men. If you like to go to the bar and fight then this is your beer. You love this beer if you dropped out of high school but make $500,000 a year at your tech startup company. This shit is fucking canned in Holland. They put all these cans on a mother fucking boat and brought it over here so think about that. It’s not German, goes perfectly with grilled zucchini, and I feel the hair growing on my back right now. How about this, if you’re a pussy or a hipster you will hate this beer so just don’t bother. If your dad isn’t drinking this beer you had better get a paternity test. This is a two hop recipe. You’re getting so many hops in this beer you won’t even know what the fuck to do next.

5 dads out of 5 (fuck yeah!)

You should drink this beer if you hate your mother-in-law. Have you ever been in the woods with real men? In a hot sweaty forest? And you think to yourself, “man, I could go for a deep, slightly roasted honey flavour, cold, round and smooth?” You probably drink this beer if you’re paying a mortgage on a cottage and own a ski-doo. You should drink this beer if you beat your girlfriend. It tastes like the Maple & Brown Sugar variety of Quaker instant oatmeal, only it’s beer. If you’re eating food, this beer is seriously recommended to have with it. Make your dad try this beer- if you even know who he is.

4.5 dads out of 5

I will fearlessly lead and father you through the world of beers available at The Beer Store.

The Beer Review Oath:

I, Dad, do solemnly and sincerely swear that I shall be a true and faithful servant to all Beers, Beer Lovers, Brewmasters, and Alcoholics, as a member of Dad’s Beer Review. I will in all things to be treated, debated and resolved in council of Beer faithfully, and honestly and truly declare my mind and my opinion of all Beers. I shall keep secret no matters committed and revealed to me in an inebriated capacity. Generally, in all things I shall do as a faithful and true servant ought to do for Beer, so help me God.